Dear Lifeless Readers:
So...its been a few years now since fast food restaurants have been strong armed into switching to oils without transfat. Vegetarian morons who dont get enough protein to sustain their thought energy pressed and pressed and took the one thing out of fast food that it had going for itself: FLAVOR!
Has anyone tried a McDonalds french fry since the switch? There is a bitter after taste and greasy film left in your mouth when all is said and done. Tastes like it was shat right out of the clown's ass. Oh...do I miss the days of OLD McDonalds. You know...the one where:
1. The playground was all metal and dangerous...I'm all for thinning the herd.
2. Apple Pies were deep fat fried to a crispy deliciousness unparalleled in this universe and my arteries.
3. Food came in really cool styrofoam containers that really held up to LONG TERM storage.
4. The shameless merchandising of McDonaldland characters such as Mayor McCheese, Big Mac, The Hamburglar, among others, made a trip to McDonalds a hell of a lot more fun and made it extra special for a kid. Now, all we have to be excited over are the salad choices.
5. The OLD McDonaldland cookies that tasted like they were made of mostly butter and sugar. They used to be delicious. Now they suck and taste as exciting as fortune cookies.
6. The really cool collector's glass sets you could get OR the Disney Christmas ornament that came with every $5 Gift Certificate set you bought at Christmas. This is timeless kitch.
7. And finally...a friggin french fry made with trans fat, salt and potatoes...in that order.
It's a disgrace what nutrition, health and busybodies have done to an Amercian classic. When I wen to McDonalds, I knew what I was getting into. I knew what I was eating was bad for me. I'd like to have that choice again and my flavor returned to me.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Summer Movies
Dear Lifeless Readers:
Is it just me, or has this summer held an over abundance of crap filled movies for the public consumption? It's not just me, so don't even go there! I usually go to the movies nine or ten times in the summer, anxiously awaiting some sci-fi thriller, summer comedy, fantasy film, Pixar release or sex comedy. Where the hell were they this summer? I was reduced to reading most of the summer because the options were pretty scarce.
I started the summer by reading Treasure Island, a book I swore I would get to someday but have been putting it off for fear that it would be so freakin' old Bristish that I would hate it. Turns out, there is a reason why that book has been around for such a long time. There is loads of action, mutiny, conspiracy, subterfuge and...knock me over with an f-ing feather, a plot! How many of the summer movies had this? Even Harry Potter and the Half -Blood Prince (which I saw three times due to a wicked crush on the Weasley Twins) seemed to be more about creating tension than furthering the plot. A place holder until the final two films based on the final book (where something finally happens and its not just talked about). Read Treasure Island if you never have! It's worth it and you are a dipshit if you never have!
The second book I read was IT, by Steven King. Has anyone ever tackled this mammoth novel about evil incarnate in a small town in Maine? Coincidentally, I spent most of my summer in Maine and it created a nice reference and setting to the detailed world King was talking about. Short of his inability to write a coherent female characater, King writes of adolesence with such understanding but unflinching accuracy. Each 12 year old boy in this story was so lovingly and truthfully fleshed out. Could this be- dare I say it? - Could this be character development? Where was this amidst the summer clap trap? Star Trek didn't have it! Harry Potter gave up on it after the second movie! The only true place it could be found was in Pixar's gloriously touching UP, which in the first ten minutes had more charcater development than District Nine managed for its entire, painful duration. UP may be the only truly great film of the summer and even the middle of it became sluggish before picking up and carrying us to a joyous conclusion. IT, however, was a complex study of childhood fear and every character save the one girl was a complete study in character development. Read IT as well.
Finally I read the biography of lyricist E.Y. Harburg, entilted Who Put the Rainow in The Wizard of Oz. Harburg was a trouble maker, apparently, because his original ideas, individuality, loathe for racism, hate for sexism and his contempt for the military and the federal government eventually led to his black listing. This is the guy who wrote such poetic and clever lyrics to songs such as "It's Only A Paper Moon", "Somewhere Over the Ranbow", "How Are Things In Glocca Morra", "Lidya the Tatooed Lady" and "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime." He pushed the musical theatre boundaries of storytelling and content like no other librettist. He insisted on quality in the movie musical storytelling, something that had been, up to that point, practically void. His pioneering changed both the stage and movie musical and yet his later life was met with such grief because he dared to have original ideas. Where the hell are the E.Y. Harburgs of today? We sure could have used them in the creating of the summer movies we were forced to sit through in the summer of 09. If you really want to be entertained, secure yourself a copy of Who Put the Rainbow in The Wizard of Oz. Its far more compelling than whatever the latest Judd Apatow, sophmoric piece of crap that was left steaming on the July sidewalks!
God, I hope the Holiday films better than this!!!
The hell with you,
Aunt Mark
Is it just me, or has this summer held an over abundance of crap filled movies for the public consumption? It's not just me, so don't even go there! I usually go to the movies nine or ten times in the summer, anxiously awaiting some sci-fi thriller, summer comedy, fantasy film, Pixar release or sex comedy. Where the hell were they this summer? I was reduced to reading most of the summer because the options were pretty scarce.
I started the summer by reading Treasure Island, a book I swore I would get to someday but have been putting it off for fear that it would be so freakin' old Bristish that I would hate it. Turns out, there is a reason why that book has been around for such a long time. There is loads of action, mutiny, conspiracy, subterfuge and...knock me over with an f-ing feather, a plot! How many of the summer movies had this? Even Harry Potter and the Half -Blood Prince (which I saw three times due to a wicked crush on the Weasley Twins) seemed to be more about creating tension than furthering the plot. A place holder until the final two films based on the final book (where something finally happens and its not just talked about). Read Treasure Island if you never have! It's worth it and you are a dipshit if you never have!
The second book I read was IT, by Steven King. Has anyone ever tackled this mammoth novel about evil incarnate in a small town in Maine? Coincidentally, I spent most of my summer in Maine and it created a nice reference and setting to the detailed world King was talking about. Short of his inability to write a coherent female characater, King writes of adolesence with such understanding but unflinching accuracy. Each 12 year old boy in this story was so lovingly and truthfully fleshed out. Could this be- dare I say it? - Could this be character development? Where was this amidst the summer clap trap? Star Trek didn't have it! Harry Potter gave up on it after the second movie! The only true place it could be found was in Pixar's gloriously touching UP, which in the first ten minutes had more charcater development than District Nine managed for its entire, painful duration. UP may be the only truly great film of the summer and even the middle of it became sluggish before picking up and carrying us to a joyous conclusion. IT, however, was a complex study of childhood fear and every character save the one girl was a complete study in character development. Read IT as well.
Finally I read the biography of lyricist E.Y. Harburg, entilted Who Put the Rainow in The Wizard of Oz. Harburg was a trouble maker, apparently, because his original ideas, individuality, loathe for racism, hate for sexism and his contempt for the military and the federal government eventually led to his black listing. This is the guy who wrote such poetic and clever lyrics to songs such as "It's Only A Paper Moon", "Somewhere Over the Ranbow", "How Are Things In Glocca Morra", "Lidya the Tatooed Lady" and "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime." He pushed the musical theatre boundaries of storytelling and content like no other librettist. He insisted on quality in the movie musical storytelling, something that had been, up to that point, practically void. His pioneering changed both the stage and movie musical and yet his later life was met with such grief because he dared to have original ideas. Where the hell are the E.Y. Harburgs of today? We sure could have used them in the creating of the summer movies we were forced to sit through in the summer of 09. If you really want to be entertained, secure yourself a copy of Who Put the Rainbow in The Wizard of Oz. Its far more compelling than whatever the latest Judd Apatow, sophmoric piece of crap that was left steaming on the July sidewalks!
God, I hope the Holiday films better than this!!!
The hell with you,
Aunt Mark
Welcome to My World
Dear Lifeless Reader:
I started out on Facebook with a little group called "Surveys with Aunt Mark" where I proposed a topic each week, people wrote in their answers and I insulted them back. The group grew very popular with people hungry for my flippancy and bitchery. Then...it got to be big to keep up. I felt bad that I didnt have time to demean people individually, and I didnt want anyone to feel left out. Then my dear old friend Melissa suggested that I turn it into a blog and just unleash my nastiness upon the world in general. So...coming soon...The World of Aunt Mark will be a place for me (Aunt Mark) to take on all things entertainment. My acid mind will review movies, television, music, theatre, restaurants, recipes, fashion, fads and sometimes even politics. I might even be interested in hearing your input, but don't count on it.
Until we meet gain, the hell with you.
Aunt Mark
I started out on Facebook with a little group called "Surveys with Aunt Mark" where I proposed a topic each week, people wrote in their answers and I insulted them back. The group grew very popular with people hungry for my flippancy and bitchery. Then...it got to be big to keep up. I felt bad that I didnt have time to demean people individually, and I didnt want anyone to feel left out. Then my dear old friend Melissa suggested that I turn it into a blog and just unleash my nastiness upon the world in general. So...coming soon...The World of Aunt Mark will be a place for me (Aunt Mark) to take on all things entertainment. My acid mind will review movies, television, music, theatre, restaurants, recipes, fashion, fads and sometimes even politics. I might even be interested in hearing your input, but don't count on it.
Until we meet gain, the hell with you.
Aunt Mark
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